Hindsight is 20/20: 5 things I wish I had known while playing at the Division I level
I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have had the athletic career that I had. Playing a variety of sports and eventually collegiate volleyball at Wake Forest University was the adventure of a life-time for me and I truly wouldn’t change a single thing about my journey. But here’s the thing - it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine. I experienced some of my highest highs but also my lowest of lows. In fact, most of the brightest and darkest spots in my life were around my experience as an athlete.
There were ups and there were downs, but there was also one constant factor throughout my time as an athlete - growth. Sports taught me more about myself and the world around me than any book, classroom or teacher could ever dream of doing, and I’ve been able to carry those lessons with me beyond the court. The lessons I learned on the court are the reason that I was able to graduate from a top institution with honors, earn a challenging degree, join one of the world’s largest firms, and eventually start my own business.
Unfortunately, much of my learning occurred retroactively. Looking back on it, the lessons are so clearly understood by my mind and felt by my heart, but it wasn’t that way when I was actually playing. Man. I wish so badly that I could call up freshman-year Paige and tell her all of the things that I know to be true as a washed-up 23 year old - but I can’t. So, I’m going to tell them to you in hopes that you can better handle the tough times and better appreciate the good ones.
Here are the top 5 things that I wish I had known while I was still a collegiate athlete.
My worth is found in who I am, not in how I play.
My numbers don’t define me and I am SO much more than the stats that get tweeted out at the end of the game. Whether I have the game of my life or an absolutely tragic outing, my identity is not in my performance - it’s in who I am as a human. The moment that I start searching for my worth in the game is the moment that I begin walking on unstable ground.
Yes, stats and performance levels matter to us. If they didn’t, you wouldn’t be the high-performing athlete that you are. But here’s the thing, they’re. Just. Numbers. The human that you are when you take the jersey off is so much more important than your hitting percentage…I promise.
Control the controllables.
There are going to be plenty of “uncontrollables” in any given game (spoiler alert, it’s the same out in the real world). You can’t control the weather, you can’t control the other team, and you sure as heck can’t control the referees (no matter how confident you are in what the right call is).
But do you know what you absolutely can control? Yourself. Not sure what exactly that means? That’s alright. I made a list for you.
A few of the things that you control:
Your preparation
Your communication level
Your focus
Your attitude/how you interact with your teammates and coaches
Your effort level
How you react when things don’t go your way
How you treat yourself and others when mistakes happen (yep, they’re going to happen).
You have a finite level of energy to expend during any given day. Do you want to waste it yelling at the refs and worrying about what the other team is doing? Or, do you want to hone in on what you can control and allow the beautiful game to unfold in front of you?
How I speak to myself is directly related to how I play.
Have you ever noticed that there’s a little voice in your head that just won’t shut up sometimes? Yeah, me too. Here’s the thing about that guy (or girl): it can either be your biggest enemy or your strongest ally. The good news? You have the power to decide which one it will be.
When I used to make mistakes, I would immediately tell myself that I suck, I should never have started playing, and all of my teammates probably hate me right now. Yes, I was that dramatic about it in my head. But when my teammates made mistakes? I would tell them to “shake it off”, “focus on the next ball” or to just simply “f it, who cares?”.
I was flat out cruel to myself in my own head, and it showed on the court. I was the reason that I sometimes lacked the confidence to execute plays, and it was all because of how I spoke to myself in my head.
Next time you find yourself making a mistake, try talking to yourself like you would talk to a friend or teammate. It’s going to feel weird at first and it might take a little bit to believe, but just give it a shot. Trust me.
How I do one thing is how I do everything
If you want to be a player who is well respected and known as a leader, you have to start with who you are when you’re not wearing the jersey. Who are you when the stadium lights have gone off and no one else is looking? Who are you when your coach has their back turned during a really tough training session? Who are you when your teammate is gossiping to you about your team?
Odds are, you carry the same energy with you to class, practice, weights, and to the weekends. Whether we know it or not, the people around us pick up on that energy and it becomes contagious. If you look up one day and find yourself surrounded by people that you don’t want to be like, it might be time to take a look inward.
Sports in life are one in the same, and each moment gives you the opportunity to consciously decide who you want to be and how you want to show up for yourself and others. Who you are on the court is often a reflection of who you are off of the court (and visa versa).
Compete with gratitude.
Man oh man. This one brings up all of the feelings for me.
One day, you’re going to walk off the court for the very last time, and you’re going to take the jersey off while knowing that you will never have the opportunity to put it back on. One day, it’s going to be your last sprint and your last back squat. One day, it’s going to be your last pre-game dance party with your teammates and your last post-game recovery session with the trainer who has seen you at your worst times and your best times.
One day, it’s over.
There’s a Mia Hamm quote that I love and feels really appropriate to include here.
“Somewhere behind the athlete you've become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you is a little girl who fell in love with the game and never looked back... play for her.”
*cue the waterworks*
Trust me, you’re going to want it back. Even when you’re tired and life is beating you up, remind yourself to compete with gratitude. You are fortunate enough to still be doing what you love with the people around you. When we come from a place of gratitude, something really amazing happens. We open ourselves up to watching miracles unfold in front of us. The pressure slides away and we begin to live in the moment. When we are in the moment, we perform at our very best.
We all started playing sports for the same reason - because they’re fun. Reconnecting with that “why” reminds us to enjoy the journey as much as the destination.
